Vanity Metrics: 5 Reasons We See Fewer Happy Relationships

[ 0 ] April 8, 2016 |

Happy relationships do not have a specific blueprint as to how they should go.  However, you know when you are in the presence of a relationship that is headed for the dumps (or is already there).  Any relationship worth having be it business, personal or otherwise is going to take work!  I do not profess to be a relationship counselor or an expert on relationships so I will only speak to what I personally witness and have experienced.  So what the hell is a vanity metric? What does it have to do with healthy relationships?  Let me share a quick story with you.

We were about 7 days away from our second Urban Kryptonite screening in Atlanta.  Everyone was excited because the ATL always shown us love.  I reached out to my event partner (Avery Brown) to find out how advertising was going with the facebook ads that he had run for us.  The ad he ran was a picture of D’jehuty Ma’at-ra stating, “D’jehuty Ma’at-ra returns to Atlanta.”  Much to my surprise the picture was well received to the tune of approximately 300 facebook likes in a very short time.  When I spoke to Avery I asked, “What did you do to get that many likes on the ad?  I need to know!”  Laughing hysterically he responded with an answer about keywords and some basic internet marketer talk.

After his statement, he turned to a more serious tone and informed me that I should not be caught up in the vanity metrics of social media like everyone does.  He went on to explain that the most important result that we needed to focus on was the CTR (click through rate) along with the ticket purchases.  But hold on, “what about this vanity metrics thing?”, I asked.  He replied, “In the social media world everyone falls in love with followers, re-tweets, likes, pluses and shares but in essence they don’t mean a damn thing.  It looks good and it looks like they mean something but it’s all vain.  Most of that is for show.  If people can’t monetize all these things then these are nothing more than an ego boost.”

Avery was right.  I took a look at all of the likes and followers on my social media pages and realized that it was all vanity (from a business aspect).  Vanity because it was not generating an income.  So a Vanity Metric is a tool used to measure the value of a situation or thing based upon surface based appearances rather than reality.  The particular thing in question holds no true value but is perceived to be a valuable thing by many in society.  It just makes you feel good.

happy relationshipsNow I’ll tie the vanity metrics into their effect on healthy relationships.  There was a time that people dealt with you for the content of your character (I sound like MLK don’t I?).  I’m sure those people still exists but they are drowned out by the onslaught of people who live to commoditize their relationships. We’re now (and have been for quite some time) living in the era of What do you have that I can benefit from?  That mindset would be good if you were asking from a standpoint of the mental capacity that someone else possessed.  But in this case people are speaking of material possessions or energy (i’ll explain with the first vanity metric).

Having said that I want to share the 5 Vanity Metrics that I know with great certainty are keeping people from experiencing organic happy relationships.  These vanity metrics are linked to a need and when the need gets met (or doesn’t get met by you) then your services are no longer needed.  As opposed to being involved in a relationship where the both of you deserve each other based upon your vibrations and level of morality combined with the connection you two have.

5 Vanity Metrics That Discourage Happy Relationships

Attention.  Of course I know we all want attention but there is something that you should know.  The 21st century has created a new form of currency in America.  It’s called attention.  People will stop it nothing to get attention.  All happy relationships have their share of attention being distributed.  It used to be that people would do anything for dollars.  Well now you can add attention to the pot.  The disturbing part is rather than stay with the person their with and work on building the relationship they move on to the next person who can give them the attention they feel they need.  This is what we call attention whoring.  You’re exposing and giving yourself to anyone that will give you attention.  You have as much of a chance of having a successful relationship this way as a snowball has a chance of survival in hell.

How Much Money Someone Makes.  If you’re reading this and you just so happen to be a so called black American or a person of African descent, listen to me closely.  You or I probably wouldn’t be here today if our grandparents were deciding whether they should be together based upon the salary of the other person.  I would wager that most of us come from meager backgrounds.  I would also wager that most of our grandparents had marriages that lasted anywhere from 20 to 50 years.  The thing I want to impress upon you is that it’s asinine to base your commitment level to a person on their salary.  Why are you worried about it?  Aren’t you an able body capable of generating income?  What happens if they’re making $500,000 today and get fired tomorrow?  I suppose you’d be the updated edition of the 1936 book written by Margaret Mitchell, Gone With The Wind.

Fixated Only On Physical Appearance. We all want to be with people that we are attracted to so let’s not even play that game.  People are inherently inclined to choose to reproduce with someone that will help preserve or what they believe to be advance their genes.  That’s not conjecture as it has been proven through science.  What i’m simply saying is that there are people out there that only choose to deal with certain people based upon how good they look.  I’m a respecter of free will so if you like it I love it. However, what happens if they get into a car wreck tomorrow and need facial reconstructive surgery?  I know it’s drastic but it has happened to many people.  Each day people biologically age. There’s going to need to be more in the tank than just a set of thick eyebrows, gray eyes or a chiseled jaw line.

What Kind Of Car They Drive/Where They Live.  This vanity metric that people use is by far as nutty as squirrel feces.  You’re going to decide to be with someone based upon something that could very well be an illusion.  People rent and borrow cars everyday.  Some live in mansion style homes or apartments that are the property of other people that may be away for 6 months to a year.  They could very well just be taking care of the property.  Here you come like a big dummy (Fred Sanford Style) eating up the bait only to be in for the shock of your life that this person doesn’t own any of these things. Even if they owned these things, are they yours?  How do these things affect your health and wellness? Do you live longer because you are with someone that owns these luxurious things?  Our thinking has to expand in order to have more.  That’s why swimming pools have signs that say, “No diving in shallow water.” You’re prone to injury that way.  Don’t be shallow.

Enjoyable Sex.  Yup I said it.  Happy relationships don’t start with sex.  Sex is an integral part but it’s not the starting point.  We have reversed everything.  You have people that stay in relationships because the sex is good.  Many of us have been there or are there right now.  But let me ask you…. What’s so good about it?  Yes you climax or your toes curl but outside of that what are you getting?  As I explained in my audio What Is the Purpose of Sex, what most people call good sex is nothing but temporary physical pleasure.  Good sex is when your life gets better after you have been sexually active with someone.  Why?  Because you are sending energy and signals to and through each other.  If a guy was a low-life scum before he met his girlfriend and now he has changed his ways and is no longer the same person then that would be the definition of a woman with some “good vagina.”  And vice verse.  It is not wise to use sex as the mechanism to save or be in a relationship if you know that otherwise you wouldn’t be dealing with this person.  Think about the amount of time sex takes place within the relationship.  If you calculate time spent having sex in the relationship by percentages you would see that it’s no more than 3% on the highest end (nympho status) and less than 0.2% on the low end.   You could end up reproducing a child from this situation.  If all you had was the sex then this relationship will go out like a cigarette in the rain.

Article compliments of ThisIsCochise. All Rights Reserved 2016.

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Category: Personal Development